Finding the Balance Again

“Teach us to care and not to care and to be still.” —T.S. Eliot

In my youth I did all kinds of things in the name of survival or to be thought of as a "nice guy": taking care of everybody else, knocking myself out to prove I was “worthy” of love. I lost a lot of myself in the process.

Or I’d try the opposite side for a while and I’d pretend I didn’t need anybody, the lone wolf who would only look out for old Number One, when secretly I feared that no one else cared about me. Both tactics failed.

In the end I’ve had to begin learning the difference between “care-taking”—giving up my own needs in favor of others’ needs—and caring for people—loving them while respecting their right to live in their own way.

Especially since my heart attack I’ve learned, too, that sometimes “no” is the most loving word that I can say. I've said no quite a bit lately--"no" to exhaustion, "no" to too much traveling and "no" to trying to do this thing called "life" by myself. More yeses are coming--"yes" to more conversations with friends, "yes" to family, "yes" to quietly reading good books and long walks in the park.

Questions: What do you need to say "no" to and what do you need to say "yes" to?