By the time a man or woman reaches the age of fifty or sixty we have been cut, scraped, bruised, operated on, shocked, loved, left and loved again so many times that it is a wonder of wonders that we're even here at all.
The body is so fragile and tenuous and yet those same cuts, operations, bruises and even beatings somehow forge a soul that can not only survive but thrive if they are counter-balanced by enough love, friendship, tenderness, time and support.
The cracking open of my chest and the quadruple by-pass is one of the most invasive things I've ever endured and yet now 15 weeks later I, like many of those who have experienced this operation, feel more blessed, more energized, and more connected to people,pets, things than ever before. But I got to also admit I hope I don't ever have to go through another.
Question: What nearly broke you but ultimately became a big part of your healing?
Showing posts with label fragile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fragile. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Taking My Heart Out For A Spin
My thoracic cavity was cracked open by a man I didn’t know. He put his hands in my chest while my heart continued beating with the help of a machine.
That changed me.
How? I’m only now beginning to find out.
Some people say I am more emotionally available. As one woman friend said, “When I saw you I didn’t recognize you.” I did lose some weight, but she went on to say “you seem more approachable.” Perhaps I lost some heaviness of spirit, some urgency to produce, some self-importance or seriousness. In the process I went from feeling strong and almost invincible to anything so mundane as a heart attack (after all they only happen to unhealthy, smoking, hard drinking, stressed out and overweight people or so I thought 6 months ago) to feeling fragile, highly breakable, extremely vulnerable and tentative about so much I would have formerly dove head first into.
Which way of being do I like best? I’d be lying if I said feeling fragile and vulnerable is a comfortable state, but do I want to go back?
I wouldn’t even if I could.
I just need to get used to not being recognized (in more ways than one) and become more familiar with this place where a simple thing like holding my wife’s hand while watching television is an ecstasy producing experience and a walk in the park with my two Giant Malamutes is as magical as it gets. It may take awhile but hopefully I now have a little time that I wouldn’t have had if that man hadn’t taken my heart out for a spin.
What has taken your heart and turned it around?
That changed me.
How? I’m only now beginning to find out.
Some people say I am more emotionally available. As one woman friend said, “When I saw you I didn’t recognize you.” I did lose some weight, but she went on to say “you seem more approachable.” Perhaps I lost some heaviness of spirit, some urgency to produce, some self-importance or seriousness. In the process I went from feeling strong and almost invincible to anything so mundane as a heart attack (after all they only happen to unhealthy, smoking, hard drinking, stressed out and overweight people or so I thought 6 months ago) to feeling fragile, highly breakable, extremely vulnerable and tentative about so much I would have formerly dove head first into.
Which way of being do I like best? I’d be lying if I said feeling fragile and vulnerable is a comfortable state, but do I want to go back?
I wouldn’t even if I could.
I just need to get used to not being recognized (in more ways than one) and become more familiar with this place where a simple thing like holding my wife’s hand while watching television is an ecstasy producing experience and a walk in the park with my two Giant Malamutes is as magical as it gets. It may take awhile but hopefully I now have a little time that I wouldn’t have had if that man hadn’t taken my heart out for a spin.
What has taken your heart and turned it around?
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