For nearly 25 years I have made my living as a public speaker/lecturer/teacher. For 25 years I have tried to pretend that I am a social person when I go out in public. Now my closest friends will not be the least shocked by this admission--I have long been plagued by a low-grade social phobia.
I get nervous, my hands get clammy and the back of my neck perspires. Early in my career some would say something like, "How do you go out to 40-50 cities a year and talk to all those people?" My standard answer was, "I have to totally re-wire myself and then when I get home I have wire myself back into my natural introverted state."
I realize now with wonderful 20/20 hindsight that re-wiring is largely the cause of my heart attack, well that and my genes. In the time that I have left I am no longer willing to try and be something I'm not. I am a dyed in the wool introvert who loves to write, read, and only go out occasionally and that is what I'm going to do.
Question: Who have you pretended to be or "re-wired" yourself to try to be?
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Wow! This is a huge change to make in your life. It makes me think of work I did with a career coach when I was looking to change fields. We used a tool to look at those things that come naturally to us (we are comfortable with) vs. those things that we excel at but do not come naturally to us.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I have to do some public speaking in my job which I am not comfortable doing but I see it as a challenge to overcome my fears and learn to be more comfortable with people. But I don't do it nearly as much as you do.
This really struck a chord in me. I (in a "former life" LOL) was an attorney doing jury trials and wiring myself up everyday (also drinking and smoking and stressing way too much). Now I live in a cottage on the Canadian border, out in the middle of Somewhere teaching second grade. Haven't drank or smoked and the only stress I have is whether the marigolds are blooming. I have been a Flying Boy fan for over 20 years and it does my heart good to follow your blog and your writing. So glad you are on the mend and are not re-wiring yourself anymore....neither am I. You have helped me so tremendously over the years, and it was about time I told you so. P.S. You are even more handsome with age. Keep posting!
ReplyDeleteThank you Ethan for your response. At first I thought my public speaking was about overcoming fear and then I realized as you say it wasn't fear so much as just "unnatural" for me. I will continue to go out occasionally when the invitation is right.
ReplyDeleteAnnamarie: Thank you for your delicious comment and support of my work over the years. I'm so glad you found "your" place. Also thank you for the compliment. You have made my day on many levels. Take care.
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