During my period of recovery from my by-pass surgery I saw something that shocked me, disturbed me and enlightened me a little about being there and not being there for friends and family.
There were people I had known for two or more decades that I thought would have gotten in a car or a plane without hesitation--to come to our home in Mentone and cook meals, hold my hand and soothe my soul--that didn't come. Some didn't even call or email. Then there were people that I'd known maybe less than a year or three who not only called, they came, they cooked, and they touched my soul deeply.
During this time my own behavior or lack of was mirrored back to me. I thought about all the people that had serious operations, major losses and transitions and I had not been there for them. These friends of over 2 to 4 decades, family members I'd loved and who loved me had to negotiate these pains and problems while I was "too" busy being on the road and available for people I barely knew. After all it was my job, what I did, but I wish now with all my heart that I had been more balanced in my being there and not being there.
How are you doing with regards to being there for those who really matter?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I had always seen myself as a compassionate, nurturing, caregiver/mother -earth type.... and when my partner/husband found he had a " heart problem" that ended him in the ER a few times, and on medications and restrictions, and when I saw this " big strong and handsome " man fearful, depressed, weak, I realized I am SO uncomfortable around that, when it's in MY life...plenty of sympathy " out there " but in MY home, I was so unsure how to handle it, wanted to RUN far away....it reminded me of my dad...in the end, dad was drunk, depressed, suicidal, and I was a scared " little girl" of 38 yrs old.... this was 20 years ago.... but seeing my partner just as John described his own feelings, brought up a lot of shame. I am still working on it.
ReplyDeleteWhen my Dad passed away in early '09 after a long struggle with Alzheimer's I was surprised about who did not come to his wake and funeral and surprised about who did come. Staying connected to someone elses life requires a large effort, in the end there are very few I am that connected to and very few who are that connect to me. Including 'close' family, the people I see daily are about it, everyone else is hit or miss.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your post Bill. Staying connected is a huge task. I'm glad we have swapped emails and a phone call or two over the years. Take care of yourself. Your friend--John
ReplyDelete